How to be Assertive

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"Assertiveness is not what you do, it's who you ARE!"

That's what Shakti Gawain thinks about assertive behavior.

And 'being' is much more powerful than 'doing', after all! But maybe you just think it's simply being able to stand up for yourself.Well, whatever you believe is true about assertive communication...

  • You'll find help you can use here, in your assertiveness training.

  • You'll find a YouTube video, my thoughts on assertiveness and some further recommended reading too.

And, as always, your views on assertiveness are welcome!



How To Be Assertive (Not Aggressive)

What I say...

Hmm, this is one of those 'blind leading the blind' situations that makes this self help website unique. And that's because assertiveness is not one of my strong points. Yet! I do know a lot about the theory behind assertive behavior, but putting it into practice is where I have struggled I will admit. (I recognise that this is one of the most important social skills, though, so that's why I'm intending to really boost my assertiveness in 2012 (and onwards) by taking action!)

Yes, this is very much one of those times when learning how to be assertive is important but taking action is vital!


So, how to be assertive?

  • Don't pretend! No, don't pretend as you'll be fooling no-one.

So by all means learn to stand up for yourself, by following the advice below, but understand that you need to do much more than that, you need to BE you.

  • So always ask for something in a way that respects both your needs and the needs of the other person, but do so with the strength of who You truly are.

Okay, this might not make sense to you right now. And in that case just stick with learning some assertiveness techniques or improving your listening skills (as discussed below). But if you can access your true power it will be a much better way for you to be assertive in the long run.

It's still useful to follow practical advice, though. And this is the essence of this advice on assertive communication:

  • Be ready
    Prepare yourself for your 'meeting'

  • Keep an open mind
    Have a flexible approach to finding a solution. Don't be stubborn!

  • Acknowledge
    To acknowledge is a truly powerful form of communicating. When you acknowledge, you listen!

  • Remember the 4Cs
    Be clear, concise, coherent and complete

  • Reach an agreement

Okay, I wish you well in your quest to learn how to be assertive. Please do let me know how you get on. Thanks.



what YouTube has to say...

"How to teach girls to be assertive" is a fascinating video aimed at girls, created by

It's an interview that basically discusses the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness, and then goes on to explain how assertive behavior is perceived by both girls and their mothers. Worth a watch, especially if you have to deal with girls.

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