SelfHelpCollective.com

Common New Year Resolutions
(Why You're Going to Fail Again!...)

That time of year again, I see...

The time when we all - in the name of self-improvement, vanity or peer pressure - make new year resolutions none of us has any intention of keeping. That's what I say anyway, and I challenge you to prove me wrong...

• You'll find free inspirational quotes listed here to encourage you to do just that - to prove me wrong, and keep your resolutions
  
  
• You'll also find many reasons why I believe you won't be able to prove me wrong - I call it my "Oh No You Won't" thoughts, in honour of the fact that British Pantomime is in full swing! (You are reading this in December or January, right!)

Common New Year Resolutions (Top 10)

What YOU REALLY say (and do)...

Here are those common new year resolutions pages, then, with corresponding inspirational life quotes:

Oh, and here's a link to a resource that can help you DO your resolutions this year (and every year forwards):

• How to reprogram ourselves using self-hypnosis [downloads]

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Common New Year Resolutions #1: Losing Weight

"Oof, why is Turkey so filling!"

• January does seem an odd time to focus on weight-loss, it has to be said - the number 1 new year resolution for many. 
  
  
• All that eating and drinking, and all that television watching... It can only lead to one thing, in all honesty, can't it...
  
  
• So maybe, just maybe, prevention is better than cure here when it comes to losing weight, no?...

But I don't wanna be called no Ebeneezer Scrooge here, so let's pretend (for a moment) that after all that eating you're really going to lose some weight now shall we...

#01 Losing Weight: What YOU REALLY do...

Lose weight, you say! Really? Well, and in true British Pantomime tradition, I say this to you... "OH - NO - YOU'RE - NOT!..."

INSTEAD... you're going to do the following:

1. You'll join a gym, expensive one too. And you're going to go a couple of times - well done, you! - until, inevitably, work and play (i.e. too much unpaid overtime and beer, pizza and TV to compensate) mean you just DON'T have the time, and never end up going... And, hey, you're not that much overweight compared to your friends after all. (Bloomin' gyms are filled with skinny exercise freaks anyway!)
   
   
2. You're going to buy all the latest health food books and recipe books. Yeah, raw food seems to make a lot of sense, doesn't it, and that Jamie Oliver's a bit of an English wag. Of course, you're not going to read any of 'em mind - you haven't got time to boil an egg, let alone read a book on eating healthily - but you can always impress your friends with your ever-growing book collection. Can't you!

Hah! Prove me wrong! Prove me wrong about this common new year resolution and you...

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Common New Year Resolutions #2: Stick to Budget

"Where's all the money gone?"

• January is an excellent time to focus on sticking to a budget, it really is. But a much better month to count the pennies would have been December, and maybe November, and you usually spend too much in October, too...
  
  
• Hmm, it's quite clever of you to want to stick to a budget in January. You're broke anyway, so you might as well get some credit for not spending any money as not, eh!
  
  
• Because, as soon as February comes along...

#02 Stick to a Budget: what YOU REALLY do...

Sooo, you're going to stick to a budget, eh! Really? Hmm, what words to say to this, what words of wisdom! I know..."OH - NO - YOU'RE - NOT!..."

INSTEAD, you're going to do the following regarding one of the top 10 most common new year resolutions:

1. You're going to save oh-so-much money at the sales - the winter sales, the summer sales, the online sales, and all the special offers in between! (Aren't all these sales great, by the way - so considerate of the shops, don't you think!)
   
   I mean, who wouldn't want to save $50 on a brand new dress, or £30 on the latest bit of electronic must-have kit. You'd be crazy not to!
   
   And each time you save money at these sales, guess what you're really doing - spending money! Yep, you're not saving, you're spending. Tch, don't ya just hate proverbs about money (see above)! ;-)
   
   
2. You're going to spend more than you earn, making it actually impossible to budget. So then it's just a matter of having to spend money to pay the bills, and - inevitably - having to start to rely on your perfect friend, Peter Plastic the credit card!

So by the end of the year, that poor ol' piggy bank ain't gonna know what's hit 'im, by the end of the year, if you even bother loading it up in the first place! Hah! Prove me wrong! Prove me wrong...

If you ARE serious about this common new year resolution then can I politely suggest that consider this controversial advice: BUY NOTHING, every now and then - it's good for what ails ya! (And, like smiling, it also costs nothing!)

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Common New Year Resolutions #3: Reduce Debt

Debt, debt, everywhere...

• Another interesting time of year to reduce debt, you have to admit. The one time of year when debt is highest for many people - genius!
  
  
• So you can't do anything but reduce debt in January, can you! But how about the following months and especially holiday time - will you be able to stick to your budget, to reduce debt?
  
  
• I doubt that you will, I seriously doubt it...

#03 Reduce Debt: what YOU REALLY do...

Hey, you're going to reduce your debt - great! Can't wait! I'm watching this space. Whoopee! But in the meantime... "OH - NO - YOU'RE - NOT!..."

INSTEAD, you're going to do the following:

1. You're going to 'stick to a budget' (see above) - which will sooner or later burden your credit card, and any other debts you've previously accrued (e.g. home mortgage). Nice budgeting! Ingenious, even!
   
   
2. You're going to be unable to refuse all those 'shiny objects' that you're made aware of via TV advertising, internet advertising (not that there's anything wrong with internet advertising, of course) and what your friends end up compulsively buying on 'retail therapy day' - er, also known as Saturday.

Hah, Debt Boy (and Girl), prove me wrong! Prove me wrong...

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Common New Year Resolutions #4: Enjoy Quality Time

"See my family MORE? - Aaargh!"

• I think the winter holiday season is a tough time to commit to wanting to spend MORE time with family, I think you'll agree.

• But it is a good time to want to commit to enjoying your time, whoever you spend it with - absolutely. This is a great thing to want to do in your life, actually, I'm impressed...

And so I can see no reasons at all why you won't achieve this new year resolution this year, I really can't. Ah, but what about...

#04 Enjoy Quality Time: what YOU REALLY do...

Enjoying time with your friends and family - how nice, how very 'work-life-balancey'. Hmm, hang on! I remember you! (Oh yes I do!) And I've got this to say this to you... "OH - NO - YOU'RE - NOT!..."

INSTEAD, you're going to do the following with this common new year resolution:

1. You're going to work, work, work... "Shiney things" don't pay for themselves y'know. And I have my 'career' to consider - the company's considering laying some people off, soon! And... and..." And when you're not working, you're driving to work, or you're just too tired (or unwell) when you get home to do anything but... "do Beer, pizza and TV" (yum!)
   
   
2. You're going to snarl, snarl, snarl... family relations don't get strained without a bit of snarling now do they. And it's not as if they don't deserve to be snarled at, after all. I mean, how could she... And how could he... (There really is NO excuse for such behaviour, there really isn't!)
   

Hah! Prove me wrong Mr "I Can't Believe You Have Time To Read This Common New Year Resolutions Page", prove me wrong...!

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Common New Year Resolutions #5: Find Soulmate

"Love, love me do..."

• This isn't just a famous Beatles song, it's the wailing call of many over Christmas and New Year, when they realise that they're going to be spending yet more holiday time alone, or spend it with someone they'd rather not be with.
  
  
• Love, or being with someone special, is a great thing to want to add to your life, it really is. Trouble is, it's also a very challenging pastime as 'the man of your dreams' is a real person, with real strengths/weaknesses. And so it goes for that fantasy woman you've been holding out for, too...

Aye, despite your good intentions, this is yet another new year resolution you're going to be able to sabotage quite easily (oh yes it its!)...

#05 Find a Soulmate: what YOU REALLY say...

Find your soulmate? Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, to quote a popular character at Christmas time. And here's another expression British pantomime lovers hear at this time of year, too, especially when it comes to people and their common new year resolutions..."OH - NO - YOU'RE - NOT!..."

INSTEAD, you're going to do the following with this new year resolution:

1. You're going to join an internet dating site like Guardian Soulmates or Match.com, or even PlentyOfFish.com, and you're going to spend lots and lots and lots of time messaging, and flirting and 'hanging out' online. Why, you might even go on a few dates...
   
   But there'll always be something 'wrong' with the people you meet - they won't quite tick all the (Prince Charming) boxes, she won't quite have the (Ms Right curvaceous) credentials. Or something. Anything. Anything to stop you having a real relationship with a real person involving real risk.
   
   
2. You're NOT going to join an internet dating site, go speed dating, join a new club or go on a new adult learning course. And why not? Weellll, you don't really have the time (do you?) and you only ever meet sad weirdos or people who are all already coupled up (don't you?)

No? Have I got you all wrong here. Hey, prove me wrong, prove me wrong...

(Now for a video intermission, featuring some inspirational quotes...)

(This site was conceived and created by SiteSell's SBI!, by the way...)

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Common New Year Resolutions #6: Quit Smoking

"Light me up?..."

• Sure, I'll light you up - no worries! Just spare me the "I'm going to quit smoking next year" routine, because you and I both know that you're NOT going to quit, anytime soon...

Old habits die hard, especially old habits that just feeeeel sooooo goooood!

So let's you and I be honest here, just for a moment. You are NOT going to quit smoking even though you say you are in your new year resolution. You ain't got what it takes, as I'll prove to you if you carry on reading...

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#6 Quit Smoking: what YOU REALLY say...

Stop smoking? You? Not that ol' chestnut again! You crack me up, you really do. It really is far too easy to say my lines in this case, but if you insist... "OH - NO - YOU'RE - NOT!..."

INSTEAD, you're going to do the following:

1. You're going to stop-start-stop-start-stop-start smoking. This is like quitting, but it is filled with lots of low-high-low-high-low-high moments of painful triumph followed by gloriously satisfying failure etc. that only serve to confirm that quitting smoking just isn't worth it!
   
   
2. You're going to cut down... "Now I only smoke [x] ciggies per day", you say, "and it will be easy to stop completely. Just as soon as I get a new job / boyfriend (girlfriend) / feel happier about life... then I'll stop!" (Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho...)

Hah, hah, hah...! Prove me wrong, why don't ya! Prove me wrong...

Common New Year Resolutions #7: Find Better Job

"Oh I hate my job, I really do!..."

• I know you do. That boss of yours sure is a dog to work for. And then there's that commute. And some of your work colleagues, sheesh!...

• Ah, but then there's the wage - ya can't do without that! Then there's your position in the company, your status, hmm always good to tell people what you do at parties isn't it! Then there's the economic situation, now might not be a good time to make that move.

Yeah, I'll tell everyone I'm moving jobs - it is one of the most common new year resolutions, after all - and then I'll make up some excuse, as we get into February and March etc....

#7 Find a Better Job: what YOU REALLY say...

Get a better job? Ah, that's funny too. I'm surprised we're not reading one of Albert's funny inspirational quotes rather than this rather dry inspirational life quote of his. But, seriously, and in direct response to one of the most common new year resolutions,... "OH - NO - YOU'RE - NOT!..."

INSTEAD, you're going to do the following:

1. You're going to carry on commuting - spending hours and days and weeks of your life driving to and from work, because the money / status / responsibility IS more important than actually liking your job, and WANTING to go to work on a Monday, isn't it? (Nobody really loves their job, after all, and if they say they do then they're just full of BS!)
   
   
2. You're going to carry on working too hard - spending hours and days and weeks of your life at work, rather at home and relaxing, because the money / status / responsibility IS more important than actually liking your job... (Are you spotting a pattern here?)

Hah! Prove me wrong, Ms "I Should Be Working Now, Rather Than Reading This Not-So-Funny Common New Year Resolutions Page"! Prove me wrong...

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Common New Year Resolutions #8: Learn Something New

"Oh, if I only had time..."

• This is a famous song lyric sung by golden-voiced John Rowles. And it's the biggest excuse known to man (or woman) for why new year resolutions aren't completed.
  
  
• Because it's a well known fact that ever since decimalisation in the 70s there has been less time available. (Yes, we went from having 1440 minutes per day to only having 24 hours per day! And in the good ol' days they had 86,400 seconds to play with. I blame inflation, I do!...)

Seriously, time is an issue for many people. Especially those that don't have enough of it. And those types will do anything - like reading half-amusing pages about common new year resolutions - than face up to the truth, which is (see below)...

#8 Learn Something New: what YOU REALLY say...

Learn something new, eh! Of all the common new year resolutions, this is the one that most (!) makes me want to say... "OH - NO - YOU'RE - NOT!..."

INSTEAD, you're going to do the following when it comes to failing with this common new year resolution:

1. You're going to check out all the night school syllabuses, do lots of adult education research, and even get curious about one of those 'new age fitness classes' (like Pilates or Tai Chi).
   
   And then, when you've tired yourself out with all that research, you're going to realise that you can't really fit anything in on a Monday. Tuesday's out (obviously!). And you can hardly join a class on Friday (the horror!). Which leaves only Weds and Thurs and you don't really fancy the classes available on those days.
   
   Yep, all that work only to realise you don't have the time! Hey ho! (There's always next year's syllabuses to check out I guess!)
   

No? Prove me wrong, lady or gentleman reader, prove me wrong...

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Common New Year Resolutions #9: VOLUNTEER...

"Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him"

Albert Schweitzer said this about the noble act of volunteering, and he is right. And this is, indeed, a worthy act to pursue in one's life, whether at New Year or any time of year.

• I believe that volunteering is a new year resolution that needs all the support it can get. And that's what I offer here, all joking aside this time...
  
  

#9 Volunteer: what YOU REALLY say...

This new year resolution is very worthy.

I'm surprised it's so common, if truth be told.

So, in this instance, I'm going to stray off-character and say this to you..."OH - YES - YOU - ARE!..." - yes, this is one of those common resolutions you're going to succeed with (congratulations)!...

And when you do start to volunteer, you're going to contact me (or share your glorious story) and tell me all about it.

Cheers, and well done again!

Oh, if you'd just like a helping hand with that volunteering itch you seem to have. Well, this fantastic, inspiring (because it's real) video on volunteering WILL help...

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Common New Year Resolutions #10: Get Organised

"It all starts with a P-L-A-N"

• But of course! All you ever needed was a plan - a plan of action, some goals set and everything is good again in your world.
• Yes, all that was missing in your life was you just weren't organised enough. (Isn't it great when the answer lies outside of us, in just creating some scrap of paper with some half-baked goals written down!...)

Seriously, I reckon this is the least useful of ALL the new year resolutions out there simply because 'getting organised' is an activity that a) is difficult to measure and b) achieves nothing in and of itself.

So I KNOW, deep down in my gut, that you will NOT get organised this new year, but if you do all that will change is that you have a scruffy (or tidy) piece of paper telling you and the rest of the world just how organised you are (bravo!).

Do you think I'm being harsh here? Well prove me wrong, dear reader of resolutions, prove me wrong...

#10 Get Organised: what YOU REALLY do...

Ha, ha, ha getting organised. So funny. (What a brilliantly vague common new year resolution!) Something to 'plan for' each year, no less! But in terms of DOING, and with this final nod in the direction of seasonal favourite the British Pantomime, I say this to you..."OH - NO - YOU'RE - NOT!..."

INSTEAD, you're going to do the following:

1. You're going to read lots and lots and lots about goal setting. Smart goal setting, and even non-smart goal setting (hey, gotta check out all the options, right!). You will plan, plan, and plan... but you won't do, do, do. It will be more Plan—Re-plan—Check—Re-check—Plan-again...
   
   
2. You're going to read lots and lots and lots about your life purpose - what it is, and all! Don't bother! Here's a clue to your life purpose: it ISN'T reading stuff on how to find your life purpose!
   

So, for one last time, I say hah! And I say prove me wrong, prove me wrong with the final of these common new year resolutions...

Finally, common new years resolutions: what these inspirational quotes say...

I bet you didn't realise that free inspirational quotes make new year resolutions too did you. Oh yes, there's more to inspirational quotations and free inspirational quotes than serious 'inspirational life quotes' stuff - they have plans for the future, too.

Kind of.

Just think of these free inspirational quotes as yet more reasons why THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS IS MAKE THEM!...

"Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits."—Author Unknown

"Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account."— Oscar Wilde

"I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me."— Anaïs Nin

Or how about these funny inspirational quotes:

"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."— P.J. O'Rourke

"New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions."— Mark Twain

~~~

NOTE: here's that link to a resource that can help you DO your resolutions this year (and every year forwards):

• How to reprogram ourselves using self-hypnosis [downloads]

Happy New Year! :-)

(Humbug!) Steve x